I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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