How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
