There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
