dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
