mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
