somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
