last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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