the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
