weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
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At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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