you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
