It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
