Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Randomize
