I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
