she looked like the before picture.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize