You really coming over, don't trick.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
