Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Everyone says I win the strip club
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
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