the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
