this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Someone came in the potted fern
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
