I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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