so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
