I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
