So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
