I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
