Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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