my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
