i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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