Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
