K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
