My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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