I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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