You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
