I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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