Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Operation Purity has been aborted
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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