I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize