I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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