Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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