i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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