Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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