Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
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I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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