Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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