I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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