This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
The uberlube is also flammable
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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