I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
