I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
