sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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