How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
