dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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