the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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