note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
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So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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