I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
