My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
