I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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