I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
