Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You had me at "let me see your balls"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
