we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
