I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize