Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
high people should be assigned attendants
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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