This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
