i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
