Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Jerry, you need to find god
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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