i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
