You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
